just call me "impatient mcgee"

for some reason, the irrational part of my brain had convinced me that today was going to FOR SURE be "the day." i had a dr. appt. this afternoon, and got some good news- i'm dilated to almost 2cm and 60% effaced. that's up from 1cm and 50% as of last thursday- not even a week ago. that means my body is doing well progressing on it's own. however, because the part of my brain that is SOOOO "over" being pregnant made me think she'd check me and say "wow, you're in labor! go ahead and check into the hospital!", i was very disappointed by the progress. i got to my car and cried like a baby. then i self-medicated with krispy kreme... it was one of those hormonal days that made me feel like violet is just dead set on not coming out! it was a really dark, rainy day, too, so that didn't help- otherwise i could've gone on a nice walk to get some endorphins going, but because i couldn't do that, i decided a nice long nap would have to do. and it did help. afterward i got a nice call from marcella in italy and talked to her for the first time since my birthday last year, and then brian and i went to eat a yummy dinner at bonefish with my parents, so fortunately the day ended well. :)

i'm to the point where i just feel pissed off just walking by her pretty pink bassinet in my room because it's still empty! :) i think my maternal instincts have truly kicked in, too, because i feel a VERY strong need to have a baby in my arms. it's such a funny thing to think about how much of a different person i am today than i was the day i found out i was pregnant. it really does change you as a person! what's even more interesting is how much MORE i'll change the day i meet her and look into that cute little face. i just can't wait. and i can't wait to meet the new brian, either. it's going to be so much fun getting to know each other in this new light as parents. he's really anxious to meet her, too, and it makes me fall in love with him even more, knowing what a great dad he's going to be. :) we have fun starting conversations out with "when she does x, what are we going to do?" we spend a lot of time talking about how we're going to raise OUR daughter to know how to act in a restaurant, clean up her toys, turn lights off when leaving a room, shutting the drawers after getting something out, etc. i think deep down we know we're IN FOR IT when pretending she's going to be perfect, but it sure is fun to talk about together. :)

i'm about to be part of the "mom club." it REALLY is a whole other WORLD out there to be a mom!! i never knew! i was at tj maxx the other day in line, and there were young moms in front of and behind me, and one was with her mom, too. at some point one of the daughters said something funny out loud and all of us laughed, and then it started this whole group conversation, and everyone was asking about me and my due date and then everyone had their stories to tell and advice to give... it was overwhelming! it felt like i was being inducted into a sorority or something! and the parenting magazines and "trends" i was never aware of... sheesh, it's a lot to figure out! it's funny, when you're not a parent, you never think of the latest fads as far as nursery decorations or kids' outfits, but it's a big deal! the stick-on wall decals and baby tutus with striped stockings are a "must-have" for 2009, apparently... :) haha.

once i really sit down and think about it, my pregnancy has gone by pretty fast. i've wished it away and have felt like it was mild torture, but it really hasn't been THAT bad. i will NEVER be someone who says "oh, i miss being pregnant!" or "cherish being pregnant because it's such a wonderful time..." no thanks. i'll be glad when it's over! but it has been an experience that has changed my life for the better, and has allowed me to grow up a little bit (just a little, though) to feel a little more prepared to be responsible for a little stinker! it's been a humbling, empowering, scary, emotional whirlwind of an experience for which i'll be grateful to have had, but no, ladies and gentlemen, i will not miss it. the things i liked about being pregnant are all of violet's "firsts:" her first flutter in my belly when i was cleaning the house and started singing, her first hiccups at night laying in bed which made me giggle out loud, the first time i saw her on the sonogram screen, the first time i heard "it's a girl!" all those things have been wonderful. but now i'm ready for all her other firsts!

come on, violet! we've got a lot to do during our time here together, we need to get started soon!! :)